 1. DIRTY BOOTS. [not the boots, just the laces, with the designation: WOAS] this item is the first of what I hoped would be a series of drawings related to the Guards Depot at Caterham, Surrey, UK. I can remember only one instance when we got our boots dirty and our Drill Instructor had a conniption! The period before the upcoming drill parade was spent doing field work...I don’t remember exactly what, but in any event we were excused drill. Whoopee! The Depot has long been shut down and the land developed into a housing project.That having been said, nothing will erase the 12-14 week experience of the Depot from your mind, while instructors did their best to transform you from a citizen into a Guardsman. This is a project the instructors throw themselves into with the sometimes misapplied enthusiasm. However, this is not bone picking , but let me just add: Next to the Depot was a Mental Institute, called by it’s old fashioned name of Lunatic Asylum. It is rumoured that inmates considered they where getting the better deal compared to the recruits. As I was typing I remembered why dirty boots has stuck in my mind for the last...well never mind. It was on Malta, I was a called back to service,reservist, and... a drill parade was called. I won’t go onto all the details but it finished up that I was the only one who had agreed not to polish my boots, that actually did not spit and polish them. Three evening orders! Could have been a lot worse. From Peter Dabbs- Dirty Boots. We were on the top floor (3rd) of Elizabeth Barracks, and our Trained Soldier loved to show his displeasure at some recruits lack of progress, by making a big show
I remember nothing of the paper process! I remember I finished up in the ‘huts’ to awaiting further men[?] to make up a squad. I do remember one lad weeping through homesickness...I vowed never for me.
*Piquet, one of several acceptable spellings COMMENTS
From Peter: Yeah....I was running, and had a hard time keeping up!
From Dave When I joined, we all heard those words "Follow that man". I stood as a 16 yr old in my dads suit, which was slightly too big for me. I had a new experience moments before hearing those words. Being daylight outside and dark in the guardroom, I came to the guardroom window with my piece of paper (day one joining instructions). I couldn't see in and couldn't even tell if someone was even in the guardroom. I put my hands on the counter and leaned in. I said "Hello!?" A booming voice came back "How dare you put your scabby hands on my counter!" I wanted to move my hands, but for some reason, nothing was working and I was frozen still. Still leaning in and still with my hands firmly placed on his counter, my voice began involuntarily speaking for me "I was told to be here for Guards recruit training." It was at that moment that I realized that the booming voice had matching giant hands. It was the first part of him I saw and the only part I remember! He reached over and grabbed me by the scruff of my dad's suit and actually dragged me in over the counter. My suitcase remained where I had been stood. I was made to stand in the guardroom while the scary man who I found out was the Guards Provo Sgt sent for a "defaulter". As soon as a uniformed "trainee Guardsman" came to the guardroom, my journey to becoming a Soldier started with those words, "follow that man. Tony. These words taken from the back page of a Grenadier Guards Christmas card, with a drawing by Sea n Bolan on the front...displayed elsewhere in this booklet. Caterham Ah, Caterham! None of those who passed through those welcoming gates Will forget that spa-like tranquility-the-all-knowing barrack gurus- The kindly drill instructors-and the many happy hours spent on the square- The gourmet meals-the ‘no-pressure’ monthly inspections- The long soothing showers-the jolly after-dinner gatherings in the barracks etc. How sad it was when the time came to say farewell to this home away from home. Yes, happy days indeed!
There must have been some earth-shaking wisdom to this method...never did find out what it was and I doubt that anyone present knew it either...just another form of harassment...but it never minds sixty plus years after! From Peter Dabbs:
Weekly shower.
You had it really tough....we were given exactly three minutes to get wet, soaped, rinsed and dried.....darned near impossible.
Memorandum was like a court, but any idea justice might be delivered soon disappeared.The door to the ‘court’ would be opened, you would be called in and finished in front of the officer. With you would be the NCO who would read the charge and give the evidence. Then the above conversation would take place. Punishment would be administered and you would be marched out again. At the Depot I think it was done to let you know there a system in place and you would be dealt with, according to army regulations.It was just a little intimidating because you were on your own and the lowest form of army [Guards] life Peter Dabbs Loosing ones name.
5. BONING BOOTS- Or? It was drummed into us that boots were boned, the method was never fully explained to us but the end result was the burning off of the rough spots on boots [primarily the toe portion] so more polish could be applied and a bright shine developed. Everyone knew the boots were burned...boning went out with, I would guess, Wellington.
6. Stories were told that some TSs claimed to purchase a ‘new’ iron for every class where in fact one iron, sold many times. Never!
7. THE TRAINED SOLDIER: Ah, yes. Memories I will only say we were blessed with a TS wh I have since leaving the service garnered a great deal of sympathy for our TS, who shall remain nameless. He was responsible for enlightening a bunch of relatively young people into the ways of the Grenadier Guards. Most were National Servicemen and would rather be anyplace but in the barrack room. He needed patience, determination, a and thick skin, Peter Dabbs T/S. Our Trained Soldier was a true masochist, who took great delight in making us as uncomfortable as possible, with great effect. But, that said, we were a well turned out squad.
8. THE WINDSOR KNOT: What is is not the right knot It seems incredible that there was much ado about a tie...possibly the name? Windsor had something to do with it. Who knows or understands the working of the Military mind... A Windsor knot properly tied, makes for a good neat, good appearance... and, so does the four-in-hand. Having said that, how many of us can tie a knot for another person without first putting the tie around your neck!
More will be said about this person later.
9. KNEES UP: Mother Brown not involved. This was a distinctive form of exercise and only used on occasions when the squad lacked ‘spirit’ in their drilling. One can only view these tactics lightheartedly ...now.The drills never took place on the drill square but were reserved for the drill sheds. Another practise was being ‘warmed’ up by a drummer being present and practising his riffs..or do you need a guitar for that? In my original drawing I suggested the instructor was checking for deodorant! Peter Dabbs Knees up. Our squad failed our 8th week inspection...we were immediately marched to the drill sheds and ‘rifted’ till we were exhausted, and our arms felt like they belonged to someone else.
 10. COOKS AND COOKING: Food!It seems we were always hungry! I don’t believe the complaints were about the quality but the quantity . I don’t believe any of the food was actually tasted. Which is probably just as well. On one occasion I was assigned to cook house fatigues. I was instructed to put vegetables into a cauldron: I noticed there was a goodly portion of custard already in the container. Regardless, I was instructed to keep filling. I have often wondered... Peter Dabbs Cooks and cooking.I was on cook house duty only once....peeling spuds. We had a machine to do it, but it did but a rudimentary job, and a lot of peel went into the mashed potatoes!
11. BELTS ARE TO BE TIGHT: And then some. I don’t know if this was a TS/DI thingy, but I remember belts had to be snug to prevent them sagging, presumably with the weight of the bayonet. However there was a ‘scene’ almost every morning with ‘securing’ belts. It would have made a delightful[?] scene for a Monty Python skit. I hated having my belt too tight, did then, do now. One day on drill parade I felt I could bear the snugness no more...with difficulty got the attention of the DI...I have no idea what happened... honest. Peter Dabbs:Belts.In those days I had a 30” waist...where on earth did I accumulate the extra 8”? 
It was incredible how many haircuts were ‘executed’ in such a short time. One wondered if these barbers actually received tonsorial training or did they train in Australia with shearing sheep? Ah, well...that’s the army! Peter Dabbs Sheep. I thought I’d save the Depot ‘barber’ a job, so October 31st I got a very short ‘back and sides’, but
14. SCAVENGER HUNT. What a farce, how humiliating! What on earth was learned from Somewhere, there must be a record of all these odd stunts that were foisted onto the recruits. Maybe it was to show us how unimportant were...we already knew that from the moment some NCO yelled, “Follow that man”.
I remember only two items, books of a distinct flavour and packages of dates! I did not buy a book...but those dates! One could be sure polishing the boots was a tough go after devouring a package of dates.
16. DO YOU HAVE A BAYONET IN YOUR SUITCASE? No bayonet in my my suitcase Sgt. What a joke, we [recruit squad heading off on a weekend], all knew he knew, and he knew we knew. Maybe it’s part of a policy to turn young men into liars... A fine state of affairs. This is likened to being caught in the washroom after Lights out and telling the Colour Sergeant it was your idea to spend time finishing off cleaning your kit. He knew, we knew, he knew that it was....
17. PATROL SENTRY For Heaven’s sake move. It seemed to be a given the sentry would stay rooted to the spot until the Sgt. of the guard told him to patrol. Instead of training men to be self confident [this came later] it seemed unless we were given an order you did not think about what to do. When it was my first turn I think I must have stood still for the first 40 minutes...at least it seemed that way and the sergeant's command to move came at the right time.
This humour would reveal itself most frequently ‘while standing to our beds’...as the squad made good progress, so the humour was more evident...perhaps it was the instigation of a campaign to show us they were not as bad as we thought they were.
I never heard blasphemous language at any time. It is now as I write this that I find this so very strange...but good. It is as though there was a sort of secret admission there was indeed a God and we [everyone!] had better watch our Ps and Qs. March 9, 2022 I recall attending church services at Caterham, on a Sunday. I do not recall receiving a spiritual blessing but there was a benefit. If you attended church you missed breakfast. Or rather you visited the cook house when service finished and you were able to eat whatever was available. You also missed fatigue parade!
Peter Dabbs: Cleanliness. The thing I remember most is the regular foot inspections...anyone who had remotely dirty feet were immediately rushed away, and put on a charge.  21. WEIGHTS, AND A WEIGHTY TOPIC Unknown at the depot. Not sure why I am mentioning this! It was never mentioned at Caterham, but men wearing weights were 'in' at the battalion.For sure at least one Gold Sergeant and a guardsman who came from the RAF Regiment.Funny how the Windsor knot and weights were frowned upon...but still used surreptitiously. From Peter Dabbs: I have a story about weights...it’s long...
22. JUST HANGING AROUND There just has to be a reason. I had no problem with PT [Physical Training] I enjoyed the runs and every aspect of the program. I was reunited with the program when I joined the Edmonton Police Service and the program was identical to the Caterham one. Seriously! I was volunteered to ‘take on’ another volunteer in a short round of boxing. He was no fool, nor I hoped was I, we sized each other up and just danced around without throwing too much leather. I don’t think the PT Instructor was pleased. Hey, it’s my nose!
23. THE FIRST PART OF THE KIT INSPECTION SAGA 22545749 Recruit Guardsman Tidridge J.W.F.Sir! Washing at the wash and on and on... I have mentioned earlier the farcical practice of bed tipping. It gave the officer some idea of the status of your clothing and documentation. Ha! And, it determined just how coordinated you were. I'm quite sure that if this was an official action, buried deep in some filing cabinet the reason for the practise clearly outlined.
24. FINALLY ..IT WAS WORTH THE SWEAT AND FOR SOME, ACTUAL TEARS.. Words fail me...not really but it is difficult to put on paper most of the experience. Part of me says, what a lot of nonsense... but then I think that I made it and finished up as a lance sergeant. I have also decided I would not have survived as a Drill Instructor, or even a Trained soldier. At that young age I had trouble with the 'not to be familiar' position'.
 25. Item entered MARCH 12, 2023: LITTLE KNOWN SHOOTING AWARD: It had been a long and cold day, varying from actually shooting to waving flags and etc. to let those firing know how they had fared. It was not a successful session and there was some impatience expressed by the NCOs manning the business end of the procedure. Ever so subtilely it was pointed out that a discreetly placed pencil hole would look like it had been created by a round. 'Nuf sed. The shooting was soon over and......  26. Item entered MARCH 12, 2023 BEARSKIN. It is so simple; Guardsmen wear Canadian Bearskins. Guards regiments are identified by plumes placed on either the left or right side of the bearskin. but it is not worn by guardsmen. There is a head wear known as a Busby' but it is not worn by guardsmen.        |
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having to tip your bed of kit into a pile! However that’s what happened at the end of our first kit inspection. I suppose it was part of the training! I suspect all the NCOs and the TS were in on it...it was all part of the ‘game’.
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18. HUMOUR???? There was a hidden source of humour at Caterham. It remained hidden most of the time but, as if by accident, it would sneak out and take us all by surprise. It seems to me the NCO’s had to be made of stern material to be that mean and ugly and ....
19. CHURCH AND STUFF Amen brother! It was really odd! One of the first things we were asked when once settled into a squad, was had we been confirmed...those two or three who hadn't’t were shuffled off and took confirmation classes.
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